Editor’s Note: The AMI QT devotionals from February 8 to 14 are co-written by the AMI Teaching Pastor Ryun Chang (Ph.D.) and Joshua Chang, a graduate of Swarthmore College and currently a student at Yale Divinity School. They are taking a break from the study of Acts.
Devotional Thoughts for Today
Romans 7:22-5
For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
Theologian Jack Deere, who lost both his father and son to suicide, wrote, “Time does not heal shame. Shame will not go away by itself. It might be hidden for a little while but sooner or later, it comes back. . . . It’s always there and it tells you this: ‘You know, if these people really knew what you were like, they wouldn’t even want you in this room.’ And because you’ve got this gaping hole you can’t share with anyone, you feel so lonely in the room and like you really need to keep this secret.”
Philosopher Avishai Margalit describes guilt as that reaction when we view ourselves from the eyes of our inner conscience, making us pale, and shame as that emotion when we view ourselves from the eyes of the other, making us blush. In any case, the two serve as a devastating duo in our psyche: they can make us feel dirty, hypocritical, secretive, alone, burdened, despairing. They are the sorrowful children of our aspirations towards the highest moral ideals coupled with the wretchedness of our fallen, sinful selves. While other tortures may come from external forces, the torture of guilt and shame can be an especially painful assault as it comes from within. I once heard a young man, who had actually overcome his sin of masturbating to pornography, confess, “I don’t know which is harder: stopping porn or dealing with the guilt that I’ve had since stopping.”
It seems to me that some guilt and shame is actually good for a person, guiding him toward the right direction. They are a bit like the appearance of fats and sugars at the top of the food pyramid: a little bit can actually be beneficial for the body, but large quantities are destructive, a lifestyle God does not want us to live. I am reminded of Peter who showed a distinct weakness for cowardice, vehemently betraying Jesus at his last hour. What shame and guilt he must have experienced! Yet our merciful Lord, after His resurrection, renews His friendship with Peter and entrusts to him again the ministry of apostleship that Peter was always meant for (John 21).
God always loves. God always forgives. Let us never waver from the path of repentance. Let us understand that no matter the secrets people find out about us, no matter the pangs of guilt that haunt us (whether we are alone in bed or worshipping on Sunday), God is with us and He will forgive and He will one day give us the perfect life we so desire, free from failure, guilt, shame, and sorrow. Let us find freedom by confessing our sins and holding firm in our minds to the promises of God for us. That’s why He is the God of grace: He loves us no matter our secret shames and self-hating guilt. We will endure and overcome through Christ. God is with us!
Prayer
Great is they faithfulness, O God, to me despite who I really am from within. Up on that cross, Christ not only paid for the penalty of my sin but also the guilt and shame that came with it. Thank You for imputing your Son’s righteousness on me so that I am no longer condemned (Rom. 12:1).
Bible Reading for Today: Genesis 42-43
We want to be a good person, yet, we fail in so many ways. And it frustrates us to no end; evidently, that’s how Paul felt as well. We want to forgive or stop our sexual sin, yet we find ourselves not being who we want to be. For many, this routine of failure can cause painful questioning: Is God even with me? How can I live with these feelings of self-doubt, loathing, and shame? Am I even a Christian? How can I change?
And that was the experience of a pastor who finally found freedom from years of torturous struggle with strip clubs and pornography. He confessed: “I cannot tell you why I had to endure ten years of near-possession before being ready for deliverance…. But what I can tell you, especially those of you who have hung on every turn of my own pilgrimage because it so closely corresponds to yours, is that God did come through for me. The phrase may sound heretical, but to me, after so many years of failure, it felt as if he had suddenly decided to be there after a long absence. I prayed, hid nothing (hide nothing from God?), and he heard me.”
In the pit of “momentary affliction,” there is the struggle for meaning, answers, comfort, God; the darkness covers us. Jesus is the light, but sometimes, Jesus does not take away the pain—the cancer is still there, the job is still lost, our loved ones are still dead.
“After hearing your testimony about family turmoil,” someone says, “mine is just like yours”; but, after hearing that person’s story, you realize that what appear to be similar stories on the surface, they are actually quite different—while you spoke of unilateral forgiveness, the other person was talking about a conditional forgiveness: They are not the same.
Editor’s Note: The AMI QT devotionals from February 8 to 14 are co-written by the AMI Teaching Pastor Ryun Chang (Ph.D.) and Joshua Chang, a graduate of Swarthmore College and currently a student at Yale Divinity School. They are taking a break from the study of Acts.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but I once saw a movie with an absurd amount of violence and foul language. After it was over, however, I felt strongly defiled—scenes of gore were now flashing through my head, curse words now seemed on the tip of my tongue. I realized I couldn’t watch a movie like that again—it prods me on a path I do not want to follow. The movie portrayed itself as harmless fun; it taught no official doctrine explicitly against Christ. But its ethic was one of glorified violence and vile speech, and I could feel it setting my heart on the ways of the world and not of God. I felt like “an ox going to the slaughter.”
Christiana is a slim, healthy woman who was raised on nutritious meals. When she goes off to college, however, she encounters the university dining scene. She had never eaten french fries before, but, boy, are they so tasty! Unlimited ice cream! Buffet lines of fried chicken and burgers! The first few weeks of this new diet has caused a little waistline tightness, but she thinks, It’s no big deal; I still eat my salads, she reassures herself. Then, after the semester is over, her parents are mortified to see their now hefty daughter plodding down the airport return gate.
Many of us grew up being taught that no sin is worse than any other – in the sense that hatred in heart and murder in body both played a part in nailing Jesus to the cross for the salvation of the world. But if you’re like me, there are times when you feel much worse about some of your transgressions and failures than others. There are ways we fall short that are bearable for us, we can carry our sins before God and receive grace and forgiveness. But there are those dark and painful moments when we fall so far short of God’s glory, our own expectations of ourselves, and the disconnect between who we should be and who we are appears so vast, that it’s utterly crippling and we find ourselves in despair.
The famed apologist Ravi Zacharias writes: “I recall on one campus some years ago finishing a tough series of meetings. On the day I was departing from that city, my host mentioned to me that he had brought his neighbor, a medical doctor, to the last meeting. ‘She is a skeptic through and through,’ he said. ‘Would you like to know what her response was to your presentation last night?’ he asked. Knowing full well that I had no choice, I answered rather eagerly in the affirmative. This was his reply of sentiments: ‘Powerful… simply powerful… I wonder what he’s like in his private life.’ That was her one-line response to a three-hour evening. In short, the entire weight of the argument rested, for her, on the coherence between the argument and the enfleshing of the argument. The reasoning was not good enough. The practical impact in the private life of the reasoned was the final test.”
Very few Christians in America have ever seen a good old fashioned, New Testament healing. I personally have never seen a lame man get up and walk at a mere command. Part of me wonders if the infrequency of the miraculous is due to our lack of felt-need for God’s supernatural power. When Peter and John encountered the man in the passage above, he asked them for something – not healing, obviously, because he didn’t imagine that was something they could give, but money, a more reasonable request. However, Peter first responded by acknowledging his lack and what he didn’t have – I don’t have any money – and his dependence on God for provision – but I do have the power of the name of Jesus.
“Everyone will be forgotten, nothing we do will make any difference, and all good endeavors, even the best, will come to naught. Unless there is God. If the God of the Bible exists, and there is a true reality beneath and behind this one, and this life is not the only life, then every good endeavor, even the simplest ones, pursued in response to God’s calling, can matter forever.” (Tim Keller)