REPOST Today’s devotional, updated in 2018, is a revised version of what I first wrote in 1998, when my children were eight, five, and one year old
Devotional Thought for This Morning
“The Meaning of Raising Three Little Munchkins”
1 John 4:20-21
If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God.
As all parents know, raising children is hard work. Perhaps that’s one reason some choose not to have kids. But, of course, they are missing out—although what I’m about to share probably won’t change their minds! One of the most difficult aspects of parenting, at least for me, is the persistent feeling of guilt. Children inevitably make mistakes, and as parents, we often wrestle with how to respond.
I vividly remember telling one of our kids, “If you treat others the way you treated your sibling today, you could end up in jail one day!” Now, nearly twenty years later, I don’t even recall what my child did. If it had been such a serious offense, wouldn’t I remember it? Perhaps I overreacted. Ironically, just a few days later, I reprimanded the previously offended sibling for saying something cruel to the one who had offended days earlier—though now, I can’t recall what was said either. In both cases, I disciplined them severely, only to later question whether I had been too harsh.
Then Ephesians 6:4 echoed in my mind: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” Had I done that?
Other times, I chose mercy instead of discipline—only to question whether I should have intervened. Proverbs 13:24 reminded me, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Then, the worry crept in: Had my misplaced leniency set them on a path toward ruin?
Well, it’s 2018 now, and my children are no longer kids. How are they doing? There’s no definite answer yet, as their lives continue to unfold in their twenties. But one thing I’ve come to understand: We don’t have to be perfect parents for our children to turn out well. Their success is not entirely up to us—it is ultimately in God’s hands. Otherwise, how do we explain Jonathan, a righteous son who stood by his unprincipled father, Saul, until the end?
Looking back, I see that many of my fears stemmed from not fully trusting that God could overcome my parenting mistakes. Maybe I should have been more merciful at times—or more firm. But God knew my heart. As 1 John 3:20 says, “We can set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us because God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.” He knew that I loved them and still do.
So, parents, before worrying about whether to discipline or show mercy, love your children first. Personally, I would choose mercy first and turn to discipline only after all other options have been exhausted. Why? Because that’s exactly what our Heavenly Father has done for us—and continues to do! As James 2:13 says, “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” Through parenting, our understanding and appreciation of God’s love deepens. At least, that has been my experience. How about yours?
Prayer: Dear Lord, as You love us conditionally, help us to love our children unconditionally. Help us to love them for who they are, not because they can do things that makes us feel proud of our ability to parent. Father, please remove such delusion from us so that we can humbly ask You to help us to raise your children given to us for a time. Amen.
Bible Reading for Today: 1 Timothy 1
Lunch Break Study
Read 1 Samuel 20:30-34a, 31:1-2: Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!” 32 “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” Jonathan asked his father. 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David. 34 Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger . . . 31:1 Now the Philistines fought against Israel; the Israelites fled before them, and many fell dead on Mount Gilboa.2 The Philistines were in hot pursuit of Saul and his sons, and they killed his sons Jonathan, Abinadab and Malki-Shua.
Questions to Consider
- Based on Jonathan’s exchange with his father Saul, how would you characterize Jonathan and Saul, respectively?
- How did Jonathan show his love and loyalty to his father?
- What does this say about parenting? Do parents hold all the cards in ensuring that our kids turn out perfectly? (For reference read Ezekiel 18:1-24).
Note
- Jonathan was a selfless man who, once recognizing God’s will that David—not him— was to succeed the throne, did all he could to defend his friend at the cost of his own life. On the other hand, Saul, wanting to keep the throne in the family, did everything to oppose God’s will, including trying to kill his own son (an irony, indeed) and later David.
- Jonathan, having left his father in righteous anger, returned to his father to fight along with him in what turned out to be their final battle. You and I know that many of us wouldn’t have done that. We have heard cases where adult children don’t call their parents forever after a big fight that happened years ago.
- Of course, parents are responsible to do their part in raising them in accordance to biblical ways (Eph. 6:4; Prov. 22:6), but they don’t control all the factors. Therefore, they shouldn’t get too much credit if their children turned out godly, and they shouldn’t get too much blame if their children turned out to be like Prophet Samuel’s sons, who “did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice” (1 Sam. 8:3).
Evening Reflection
This is for parents and future parents. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” What’s the first thing that comes to your mind with respect what you want your child to model after? Going to church Sundays? That’s good. Not using profanity? Okay. How about apologizing to people (including your spouse and children) after making a mistake? How about being humble, loving and kind? There’s so much to pray about—pray for your child before going to sleep. Pray that you will be that humble and kind person your child wants to emulate (much like Timothy imitated the sincere faith of his mother Eunice).